Listening to the possible effects of what I'm going to be getting scares me almost more than taking the chance of not taking it at all. Almost. I'm still going to take the treatment and hope that things go as well for me as they did with the first round. I took radiation and chemo and although there were moments that I was not at my best, it was not nearly as hard as I had anticipated.
This stuff sounds like a whole different ballgame though. I'm going to get three different fluids put in through a port that I get put in on Tuesday. I wish I could tell you the exact names of them, but I don't remember. I know the treatment as a whole is called FOLFOX 6. A lot of the potential side effects were the same as when I took the first round, but there is one that is causing me a lot of concern. I've talked to several different people about this, including one person who's had this treatment. I'm going to become sensitive to anything cold. I'm really glad that I don't live in a cold weather clima...wait a sec... Damn, I'm screwed there. I won't be able to touch, or drink or eat anything that's cold. I'm told that if anything cold touches the inside of my mouth it's going to feel like I stuck my tongue in a blender and my throat will probably spasm, making me feel like I'm choking. I see a lot of soup in my future. This is in addition to the usual promises of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and mouth sores.
While I've said I'm going to take this treatment, I can also tell you without hesitation that if I didn't have other people to think about, I would not be taking it. I would be looking for another alternative or refusing it altogether. I will be getting a big reminder this weekend as to why I'm going to gut through this and come out on top. Tonight my stepson plays for a district basketball championship. My wife Kelly and I and probably my daughter Abbie and my stepdaughter Sydney will go the game together and root him on. Tomorrow, my son Andrew, my daughters Callie and Abbie and possibly Kelly will go to my grandmother's house to celebrate her 91st birthday. My brothers and their wives and kids will be there as well as my mom and my aunt Kay. These people are the reasons that I will do this. They are the reasons that I'll get through it.
Last night, Kelly and I went to Pellston to watch the Brimley girls play for the regional championship against Posen (it also helped that I was being paid by The Evening News to cover the game). On the way home, we stopped at the truck stop in St. Ignace for dinner. It was just after 9 p.m., and the place was nearly deserted. I found myself listening to a guy sitting at the counter talking to the two waitresses. The more I listened to him talk, I found myself in a state of envy. He was talking about simple things and didn't seem like he was in any hurry and had no pressing concerns. Please don't misunderstand, I like my life the way it is just fine. But in that place, that moment, I longed for a life that seemed as uncomplicated as his seemed to me. No cancer, no treatment, no medical complications, and no stress regarding any of it.
I went to the restroom, and when I got back to the table, Kelly informed me that the guy had revealed that he was a truckdriver and had to leave for Grand Rapids in a few minutes, thus blowing my whole unhurried, uncomplicated life vision. But all the same, it was nice to envision for five minutes. By the way, the food at that truckstop is phenomenal.
Good luck to Shane and the rest of the Bays tonight. I can't tell you exactly how that will turn out, but one thing I can tell you for sure is this.
I Will Win
By the way, if anyone knows where I can
get a heated throw blanket by tomorrow, please let me know because
that's what my grandma wants for her birthday. I have been to
Walmart, Kmart, and Big Lots and nobody has one.
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