Even though I'm a little bummed about the effects worsening, I'm also a little excited that the number of treatments left is down to three. I can't explain why, but that number seems so much closer to the finish line than four did.
I got the pump off just about an hour ago, and that makes me feel better too. It's always a relief to get that thing off me. It doesn't really limit what I can do, but it makes it a lot harder to do it. I can't even tell you how many times that the tubing has gotten caught on stuff and jerks on that needle in my chest.
It's been a little bit since I've posted anything as I've been sticking to putting stuff up shortly after treatment days. Since my last post, my step-daughter Sydney has graduated from Ancilla College and has settled in at her grandparents house in Clare. She has a job and is going to be taking a statistics class so that she can enroll at Saginaw Valley State to finish her nursing education. Very proud of her. When Kelly went down to graduation, I had to stay home because I couldn't get the time off work. I had something funny happen while Kelly was gone, although I promise you, I didn't think it was funny at the time.
I always let the dogs out before I go to bed or get ready for work. When I let them in, I'm usually in my underwear because Bear (St. Bernard) likes to get hair all over my work clothes when he comes in. This night was no exception. I went to the door to let them in and I was wearing a t-shirt, underwear and a pair of slippers. Joey came right in and I waited a second for the big boy to make his way to the door. I knew there was going to be trouble when I heard him barking up by the back deck. He had gotten himself wrapped around the base of a small shrub. We put him out on a cord connected to a stake in the back yard because he thinks that he should be able to do whatever he wants while he's out there, including visiting all the neighbors while suddenly becoming deaf to all calls of “get back here.”
So he has the cord wrapped around the shrub and it's cold and rainy outside. I stomp up to the back deck which means I have to go up a muddy hill to get there. I see that he's not just wrapped up once or twice, but about six times. I get him to go around it backwards twice to get a little slack in the cord, but then he's done. My legs are not at full strength right now and that makes dealing with Bear that much more difficult. So, I'm thinking I'm just going to unhook him and keep ahold of his collar and we'll just go right up the steps of the back deck and in that door. Not ideal because of the mud that's going to get in the kitchen and dining room, but better than trying to bully him back down to the basement door where we both came out of.
While I'm reaching to unhook him, our neighbor's dog barks. This is bad news for me because Rex is a Golden Retriever who Bear goes over to play with now and then. Bear loves to go over there and whenever the dogs are outside at the same time, there is a huge barkfest that goes on as the dogs try to get a look at each other. Bear barks once and then bolts in Rex's direction. I look down and realize that my foot is in a loop in the cord. I know that I'm going to get jerked off my feet and that I'll never be able to get my foot out of that loop in time. Sure enough, I feel the cord bite into my leg and the next thing I know, I'm laying in the mud in my t-shirt and underwear. Meanwhile, Bear is pulling on the cord which is causing my foot to try and separate from my leg. I created new swear words that night and I'm glad that my mom and grandma weren't around because I called that dog every curse word I've ever heard in my life. I finally got him under control enough to get my foot out of the cord and then I realized I was going to have to unhook him in order to unwrap the cord from the shrub. I let him off the cord and he bolts for the neighbor's house. I finally convinced him to come back about 5 minutes later. I had to change my under clothes and get in the shower again. The worst part of the whole thing was that I got pretty cold rolling around in the mud and my hands were so cold that night that I couldn't button my shirt or tie my shoes so I drove out to work with my hands in front of the heater. By the time I got out to the prison, I was able to get things buttoned and tied.
Of the many things that I don't like about having cancer, is hearing about everyone else that has it. I know how that sounds, but that's not how I mean it. It's bad enough that anyone has it, but then you start hearing about so many other people that have it or have had it and the numbers can quickly get staggering. I have heard countless tales from people or about people since I was diagnosed and it makes me wonder if everyone is destined to get it at some point? I mean, just in the last two weeks, I know someone who has died from cancer, someone who was diagnosed and had emergency surgery to remove it on the same day, someone who's family thought their father was clear of it and instead found out it had spread, and someone who is worrying like hell waiting on the results of a biopsy. I have been thinking about all of them over the past few days and hoping for the best for each of them and their families.
But where does it end? Will we ever discover a cure? We've been to the moon, we have vaccinations for diseases that killed hundreds of thousands of people in the middle ages. Why is this particular one so elusive in terms of a cure or a preventative measure? I'm tired of dealing with cancer and its effects, and I'm tired of hearing about cancer touching the lives of people I know.
I Will Win
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